I'm BAAAAAAAAACK

Ugh I almost died being without the internet. I know, first world problems for real.........

But seriously, I'll never do that again. Disconnecting for a while wasn't all bad though. To be completely honest it allowed me to continue to focus on my journey of getting back on track and challenging myself to push past the normal points I would usually hide behind. Although Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram are great places to show everyone how amazing I am, surprise surprise they are massive black holes for my time. I have channeled that energy into my new job, spending more time with K before he goes back to school, and getting more active. Changing jobs has been an amazing experience, finally I love what I do and I would be lying if I said I wasn't amazing at it. I can truly say I have found my calling.

But as anyone who works 12 hour shifts I can attest to how wonky your internal clock gets and how easy it is to fall off track and make excuses for your behavior. So I had to put in place several non negotiables. For example, I've made sure I have drank a complete gallon of water every. single. day. since I started Me VS. Me. Previously I would just make myself drink about 5 or 6 full tumblers of water, but that left me losing count throughout the day and letting myself slip. Now, I make sure to fill up my gallon jug before I leave and I must finish it before I hit the sack. I basically am peeing like I am keeping Bear Grylls in business, but it's a necessary evil. Also, I have actually started putting my FitBit to use. No more being ok with coming in last during the weekly challenge. I've made it a point to smash my unknowing victims into submission. I still lose from time to time, but you get what I'm getting at - I take this shit seriously. What was the point of buying the latest activity tracker, taking the best supplements, and buying work out clothes if I never put any of those things to work? It was the illusion of the combination that allowed me to feel safe in that place in my life. The semblance of bettering myself without actually putting in any work. I looked at myself in the mirror and I was just disgusted. Not at that number on the scale or the double chin daunting me. No, I would be lying to myself if I said I was the same as I was a year ago. No, I have made big strides - but I had to open my eyes and shake myself. I had allowed myself to get lazy and get comfortable and cease to improve.

So this change is still in progress, I would be lying if I said I have made a complete 180 and now am an ass kicking machine hell bent on fitting into my old size 2's by the end of summer. But no I have a more realistic goal and journey in mind. So far, I am loving this new stage in my life, I feel like a million bucks most days. My energy levels are high, my outlook is positive, and I am claiming each day every morning. I am still working on working out 4 times a week like I set out to. I have definitely made it to the park several times since I have started but I need to make sure I don't give myself excuses.

So that is honestly the challenge I am putting in front of my face this week. Get my ass to the park and jog 4 times this week. I need to make it happen.